Neil Jenkins

Waz up in da heezy? Boshnickels here. Yo, is life good in da hood? I hope it is.
Yo, I'm gonna cut right to thu chase. Neil Jenkins is whack. Yo, he is more than whack, he sucks ballz one hundred and ten percent of duh time.
Yo, I know many of you don't know Neil, so let me giv u a little descripshun of da guy.
He is fat and gross. He is really fat. And really gross. He has red hair and freckles. He has tons of freckles. His face is one part pale, and a thousand parts freckly brown. Yo, it is disgusting. He is disgusting.
Neil Jenkins is stank. He problee nevuh wash his clothes. Yo, he is loud, too. And not in cool way. And yo, thu guy looks evil. No lies. He has the most evilest smile you'll eva see. He's problee the devil. I ain't playin.
Neil Jenkins sucks so much. In middle school, he put a kick me sign on my back, and den Joey Robles, some little fella who sucks, made fun of me and what not. Yo, I already hated Neil before dat, but dat so-li-di-fied it. Why did I hate him already? To answer dat I have to say, "haven't you been payin attenshun to everyding I've said bout him so far?" He has red hair and freckles! And he is stank! And fat! He's like Jabba thu Hut, after Princess Leia killed him.
But yo, der waz this time when I gave him some money to rent sum ski poles, and of corse, dat fat piece of crap NEVUH paid me back. Shood I have been suprized? Nope.
Yo, when we wuz growin up, Neil Jenkins was best frendz wit Jack Webber, and anybody who knew Jack, knew that he also sucked ballz one hundred percent of duh time.
It gets wurse, too. Aftuh high school Neil bumped uglies wit Shanyel Berger! Shanyel Berger foo! Yo dat iz whack. And its get even wurser. Dey had a kid! Yo, Neil Jenkins shood not be alloud to spred his seed. I wood start a co-a-lishun to stop dat guy frum spredin his seed again.
And then there was anutha time when me and Brian Frame and Jame Kelley wuz ridin dirty, and Neil tried to run us off da road. Yo, it pissed Brian off so much dat he dropped da f-bomb, which I ain't heard dat foo do in a long time. The entire time we wuz ex-chan-gin looks wit Neil, I could see fire in his eyez, like he was Skeletor or sumthin. He wooda killed us, if we hadunt had mad drivin skills. Yo, dat guy is possesst. For reelz.
Neil is definutlee da devil. He iz gross.
Yo Neil, wash yo clothz, foo! And get rid of yoh freckles.
And Joey: dat shizzle waz not funny. Thankz for not kickin me, tho.