People Out There Jealous

Actually, I have nothing to say about people out there being jealous.
So how does one define being a Real American? It seems intangible, sort of like why pie is so good, but there are ways. Nay, I should step correct and tell it how it is. There is the way. The way is clear. It was laid for us in the 80's by the band that sang the theme song for Hulk Hogan, "I Am a Real American," and it has been there ever since as the template for True Americanism. Do not confuse True Americanism with True Grit, even though they both share the same first word in their title (John Wayne was not a Real American. I said it, and I stand by it.).
The song's title I know, but as for the band's name, no one knows. It is impossible to know. They were together for twenty minutes total. Five minutes for introductions. Ten minutes to lay down the song, running through it only twice. Five more minutes to be drugged, blindfolded, placed in seperate vans and then driven off to remote parts of the city where they were left to fend for themselves in rural city gang warfare. Three people died while cutting the track itself. Fortunately there were replacements. Three more killed themselves immediately after the recording. Three others, after making it to the van drop off part, fought their way to the top of the rural city gang warfare scene and are still prominent gang leaders to this day.
I will continue this account of the band that recorded the "rules for a Real American" after I've downed this bottle of sleeping pills.