Blogger Friend Profiles: Shelly Mortenson

Howdy ho gang! Can you believe this? two posts in a row? Looks like Ol Phil has been working over time to get all of this blogposure. That's "blog exposure," btw. Oh, and btw means "by the way."
Head explosion! TMI, right? (Sorry for this, but I gotta explain it: TMI means "too much information." I'm so, so sorry) I'll try to keep the knowledge I present down to a minimum. That's my promise to you guys. And you know why? Cuz I love you. Honest injun.
So Ol Phil's got something to talk about today. Or should I say, someone. Who is she? Well, if you're mentally retarded, you might already know. Or you might know, but have no idea how to compute that information in your weird, very weird, brain.
Shelly Mortenson.
Quite the name, eh? In Gaellic, it means: "the one who buys pennies." What does that even mean? Not sure, but pretty cool, nonetheless.
Shelly. Rhymes with a lot of other words, wouldn't you say? Here's a couple: jelly, Kelly, tele, heli, and I didn't want to say this one, cuz I know you all are gonna jump all over this, but...smelly. I said it. No connection to Shelly WHATSOEVER, so don't even go there, you rascals.
So who is this Shelly Mortenson? Let me describe her: friend, woman, white, hair, clothes, feet with shoes on them, green water bottle in or near hand, teeth that are sometimes brushed or possibly have plaque on them if she just ate and hasn't had some Trident gum, eyes which tend to not move independently of each other. Starting to sound like someone you might know? Now, hold on a second.
What do you think Shelly does for work? Don't even worry about guessing, cuz I'll tell you. Shelly works with "different" people. And that's just her coworkers I'm talking about. Zing! Actually, Shelly has an employment that is very similar to one of Phil's very close friends. For that matter, TWO of Phil's very close friends. She works with mentally re-started people. Why do I call them mentally re-STARTED people? Well, first of all, no matter what the Smart Retard tells you, saying retarded is a little offensive, wouldn't you say? I sure think so. And secondly, I guess because it's like their brains re-start every so often, and by often, I mean every two seconds. Everything that goes in that brain of theirs sits there for a bit, and then, ZOINK, RESTART,back to a blank screen. That's probably exaggerating a little, but you get my nifty-drifty.
So, after that 'splaining, I'll tell you that Shelly makes sure that Re-starts have personal rights and what not, which, you know, whatever, but the important thing about Shelly's job is that she makes sure to keep her schedule wide open so that she can attend to the needs of her dear friends. She isn't one of those types who gets a high profile job and forgets about all of the little people. Nopey dopey, she texts her friends, and sends emails to her friends, and writes to her friends on facebook, and frequents chat rooms where her friends may or may not be, not really important, and makes phone calls to her friends, telegrams her friends, sends letters to her friends by horse-messenger, etc.
And Shelly also blogs, just like Ol Phil. To check her out (not like that, sillies, although there are some pics of her that might catch your attention- whoops, said too much), go to http://www.mishellitasforall.blogspot.com/
If you meet Shelly some day and talk to her, what do you think you're gonna get? I'll tell you: conversation. All different kinds of conversation. You got some hot political issue you've been dying to rap about? Shelly will spit witchya. Problems from work pressing on you? Shelly will lend an open ear and give you advice as needed, and if she doesn't have the answer for you, which is unlikely, she will tell you that, cuz Shelly never misleads.
"But Phil," you're probably thinking, "is everything so serious with Shelly?"
On the contrary. Shelly loves not taking things seriously. She's got jokes, and I beg you to test her fiery wit. It'll bite you, bite your face right off. Let me give you an idea of a joke that I can see Shelly telling:
(told in a Katherine Hepburn-style voice): "So three Mexicans walk into a bar and have a drink. Now, you're probably thinking, 'just one drink?' Well, okay, you got me...(and then Shelly proceeds to put on a sombrero and pretend to shoot pistols and yells 'arriba!')"
So Shelly Shelly Bo Belly, Banana Fanna Fo Felly, Me My Mo Melly,
Shelly Mortenson:Blogger friend, co-member of Fans of the Kennedy Assassination Group.