Swear Words Will Never Hurt Me

Howdy ho gang! Phil Honus is humming-coming atcha!
Hahaha. Did I scare you? You're probably saying to yourself: "that was a surprising introduction." You bet it was. You probably don't even know what "humming-coming atcha" means. (Here's a secret: I don't either! :) I'm so nutty!)
Boy it's been tough to be away. I'm so glad to be back in blogger-land with all of you blogger-philes. It just gives me goose bumps.(What a weird phrase, by the way, "goose bumps." But it is true. I killed a goose with my cousins one time and felt its skin, and as sure as soup on Sundays, it felt just like those tiny bumps you get on your arms. So crazy. I like boys. Woops! Cat's out of the bag.)
So friends, I got something to talk about, and it's kind of offensive. I want to talk about swear words :O
"What a jerk!" you're probably thinking. "Doesn't he know that kids read these things?" Oh believe me, I do. And that's why we need to talk about these things, because we've got to teach the children. They're our future.
And we've also got to teach some of you older folks, too. "Who me?" you're saying to yourself. Yes you, old fart. EVERYONE needs to think a little more about swear words.
What else is there to say about swear words, really? We all know they're so fun to say, especially at church (hahaha "Is he joking?" I guess you'll never know :)
And we all love to write them on fresh concrete before it dries. When I was a little boy, Nate Mooney and I wrote the F-bomb on the Elwood's concrete footings for their new house. They were so mad. We were such little rascals.
Most people would probably agree that swearing is bad. But how bad is it really?
You're saying to yourself, "stop right there, Mr. Phil Honus. Everyone knows swearing comes from the devil. You can't possibly defend it." But you know what, Mr. Religious guy? I think I can.
You see, I know this guy who used to swear all of the time. I mean, he had serious potty mouth issues. He would say the S-word and the F-word and the D-word and the B-word, and sometimes he would combine them together and say really bad stuff, like "F-ing S, you B. You're such a D." It was really dirty.
A lot of people didn't like it when this guy said these words, especially when he said "S your D you F-ing B." Boy did they get mad when he said that! They were like a hot, piping steam engine, just ready to explode! They started to say that this guy didn't have a very big vocabulary. Some people started to call him dumb. It really hurt his feelings, mainly because he did have a big vocabulary, and he definitely didn't think he was dumb :(
So what did he do? He stopped swearing. He realized that it was much easier to stop doing something he really liked to do, especially if it made it easier for him to get along with people. Well after he did that, people started to call him a big girl! Honest Injun, they said he wore girl's underwear, and that the only reason he stopped swearing was because he had the V-word now (but they didn't say the V-word. they said the actual word! can you believe that?! :O )
It didn't make any sense to him. Not for a while, at least. One day, though, he finally got it: he realized that too much swearing is offensive, especially when people who don't like swear words are around; and at the same time, he realized that if a person likes to swear, and if they don't see a problem with it, they should do it, with respect to others, of course. Because if they don't, people will think they have the V-word, even if they really have the P-word.
Now I've got a little secret for everybody: the guy who people called dumb, that's me. What a shock, huh? Didn't see that coming at all, did you? Not to toot my own horn, but I am very good at surprise endings. I always get people. It's kind of funny(just like my love for boys. Uh-oh! TMI!)
I still swear these days sometimes, but only when it's appropriate, like during a funeral (hahaha jokes! I love kidding you guys). That's just who I am, I guess, a little bit angel and a little bit devil (You're probably thinking, "this guy's so scary. He's a devil! I don't want to be around him. He might try to take me to hell." Oh, you fraidy cats! I would never do that. I'm not really part devil. that's just a saying. You silly pants! Whoops-a-daisy! Did I just say that?)
I would love to hear your guys' thoughts about swear words. Please let me know what you think.
Toodles.